Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
— Ephesians 4:15–16
As I began to think-write this essay, I found myself having a hard time putting the components of my topic in order. They seemed so connected to and dependent on one another that I felt like I was trying to pinpoint the beginning of a circle. Come to think of it, that makes a good illustration of what I want to share about, which is, well, sharing.
Sharing pieces of our broken lives with each other is one of the greatest gifts we can give. Why? Because it’s the giving of ourselves. It is a special interchange, for as Henri Nouwen once wrote,
The way I am broken tells you something unique about me. The way you are broken tells me something unique about you. That is the reason for my feeling very privileged when you freely share some of your deep pain with me, and that is why it is an expression of my trust in you when I disclose to you something of my vulnerable side.1
Sharing our lives in this way often results in moments of deep connection with others. I call these “me too” moments. “Me too” moments are a great encouragement because they remind us that we are not alone. We all have worries and fears, struggles and sorrows, unfulfilled longings and unanswered questions. We all fall short in many ways. Tempting as it may be to try to maintain an image of perfection, there are some wondrous blessings that come when we let others see us as we really are. Among these blessings are love and compassion. Relating to others at heart level fosters an atmosphere in which these things can flourish. It’s amazing how far some honesty about ourselves can go in building a relationship.
Honesty alone, however, is not enough. In his book Slow to Judge: Sometimes It’s OK to Listen, Professor David B. Capes says that two keys to relating to others in a loving way are humility and a listening heart. Although he was writing specifically for those engaged in interfaith dialogue, that truth applies to any relationship. Where pride and obstinateness are present, love and compassion are not. Humility (a proper view of ourselves) and a willingness to listen are essential for mutual sharing to occur.
The problem is that honesty and humility are counterintuitive. It’s natural to want to put one’s best foot forward, make a good impression, etc. Being vulnerable takes courage because you might get hurt. But it’s a risk you must take if you want to be truly known and accepted for who you are.
There is something else related to sharing our brokenness with others that I must not fail to mention. That is this: God works through our weakness. It is in our weakness that He is made strong. The purpose of sharing our struggles is not just to encourage, but also to point others to the God who knows all of our failures, yet still chooses to love us and work through us. Remembering that keeps us humble, and humility makes us less concerned about our reputation. When we’re not worried about what other people think about us, we are more likely to be honest with them. If that reciprocates, love and compassion soon show up. This leads to more honesty and humility, which leads to more sharing, which leads to more love and compassion, and on and on. It’s like a circle.
By God’s grace and sustaining power, may the circles of sharing in our lives never be broken.
- Henri Nouwen, Life of the Beloved (The Crossroad Publishing Company, 1992), 87. ↩︎
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