Different Kinds of Fine (a poem)

Someone asks how I’m doing. 
“I’m fine,” I say. 
But I wonder, what do I 
Really mean by that today? 

Because there are so many 
Different kinds of fine. 

Maybe it’s a quick answer, 
Truly a lie. 
I don’t want to let them in, 
And so I don’t even try. 

Maybe I’m being proper, 
Only polite. 
Not bad, but not best either,
Hiding secrets from their sight. 

It might be a guarded castle, 
Staying in place with walls outside.
It might be a flight from hassle,
Escaping what I want to hide.

It might be a darkened curtain, 
Concealing hurt behind a smile. 
It might be an invitation, 
Wanting someone to stay awhile. 

They don’t know which I am saying,
And they won’t know unless I tell.
It’s a careful game I’m playing,
All tucked away behind my shell.

When someone asks how I’m doing 
And I say, “I’m fine,” 
I’ll remember what lurks under, 
All the different kinds of fine.