I believe that every Christian is called to be involved in discipleship in one way or another. It’s a responsibility for all believers regardless of what stage you’re in. The New Testament is filled with examples of discipling relationships (Barnabas and Paul; Aquila, Priscilla, and Apollos; Peter and John Mark; Paul and Timothy; Paul and Onesimus), and there’s no indication that these kinds of relationships are to stop now that the Bible is no longer being written.
Even though all Christians are called to be part of the discipleship process, where you are at in your faith does impact what your role in discipleship will look like. If you’re new to the faith, you should focus on being discipled and seek to get grounded. You need mature believers who can come alongside you and answer some of your questions, because you need to be taught before you start teaching others. But if you’ve been walking with the Lord for some time and have grown a long way in your faith, your primary focus should be pouring your wisdom into others—though that doesn’t mean you stop learning.
Most of us are somewhere in the middle of our faith journeys—we’re not baby believers, but we’re not sagely saints either. Our focus is split between discipling those who are behind us and being discipled by those who are ahead of us.
If you are looking for a mentor, find someone whose character you seek to emulate. Age isn’t everything; maturity is what matters. So while a mentor will most likely be older than you, he or she could be the same age or even a little younger. Don’t rule someone out because of their age. Look for someone who is bearing the fruit of the Spirit and whose life shows evidence of walking with Christ. Look for someone who has the kind of life you would like to lead one day and who is willing to point you in that direction.
If you’re looking for someone to mentor, look for someone who is teachable. Don’t waste your wisdom on someone who isn’t interested in receiving it. Look for someone who is hungry and thirsty for righteousness and is eager to accept all the help they can get along the way. Look for someone who knows they won’t grow on their own; they need support from someone who’s further along.
This is what will keep you relevant. I love the way Christy Nockels explains it: “The word relevant simply means ‘closely connected to the matter at hand.’ The generation coming up behind us—they are the matter at hand. And they need us. They need us to see them and cheer them on. They need us to move over and share the stage, whatever that looks like in our different fields. They need to hear what we love about them and even what we learn from them. This is what it looks like to stay closely connected to the matter at hand, to be there for those who want to do what you do. Invite them into what you do with you. This will make you relevant until the end of your days. What will make you irrelevant? Sprinting to the outer ring, staking your claim, and building your own fame. There’s a shelf life to this kind of fame building, and I imagine it will leave you pretty lonely as well.”1
what hinders it
Discipleship should be the norm in our churches. Sadly, from what I’ve seen, that’s not the case. I can think of a handful of things that hinder it from happening.
First, there’s fear. You might sense a nudge to start discipling someone, but you’re afraid to step forward. You feel like you’re not ready and you don’t have anything worthwhile to share. Let me assure you that the Spirit who leads you is the same Spirit who teaches you. God will give you the wisdom you need. Your insufficiency is an opportunity for Him to show His power through you.
Maybe you want to ask someone to be your mentor, but you’re not sure how to ask them or you’re afraid that they might turn you down. I get it. I’ve been there. Let me encourage you to prayerfully take that first step and trust God with the rest. The outcome is in His hands.
If you don’t think you need to be mentored, that’s a different problem. You can’t expect to learn if you’re not willing to listen, and you can’t expect to grow if you’re not willing to obey. If your ears are closed, don’t expect wise things to come out of your mouth. “When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19 HCSB). Gaining wisdom and growing in your faith requires fearing God and listening to the wise people around you. “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20 NIV). Ask God for a humble and teachable spirit so you can learn and grow.
Or maybe you want to be mentored, but you don’t want the messiness of real life relationships, so you seek to be discipled through other means like books, podcasts, and blogs (yes, including this one). Those things aren’t wrong, but they are insufficient as your only means of mentoring. Unless I know you, I can’t mentor you like someone in your life can. I can give you things to think about and point you in the right direction, but that’s as far as it goes. You need someone who knows you to walk alongside you.
Even if you overcome all of those barriers, there’s still one more to be faced, which I think is the biggest one of all. That’s the problem of perspective—specifically, the way generations think about each other. This barrier is harder to overcome than the others because it’s a choice—a choice with dire consequences. When our view of each other is shaded by stereotypes, we can’t see clearly. When older dismiss younger on account of their youth and younger dismiss older on account of their age, everyone misses out. We must develop an attitude of mutual love and respect in order to learn from each other.
As a young person, it really upsets me when older people place low expectations on young people (teens in particular) and assume we’re rebellious, disrespectful, and irresponsible just because of our age. These expectations cripple us by discouraging us from striving to reach our potential. Yes, some teenagers fit the stereotype, but not all of us do. We would appreciate it if you would expect better from us—it would be an immense encouragement and motivation!
To those of you who seek to be a godly example and encourage the young people around you—on behalf of my generation, I want to say thank you. We notice how you treat us, and it means more to us than you know.
Young people, I’m not letting you off the hook here. We have our own perspective problems sometimes, like assuming that older people won’t understand us or we won’t understand them because of our age difference. While this may have some grounds in reality, the ignorant older person stereotype can be just as damaging as the rebellious teenager stereotype. As someone who interacts often with people old enough to be my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents, I urge you to give them a chance. Shatter stereotypes by forming intergenerational friendships. You’ll learn a lot in the process, and so will the people you make friends with. Don’t let your youth stop you. “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12 ESV).
We won’t bend and we won’t break / We won’t water down our faith / We won’t compromise / In a world of desperation / What has been we cannot change / But for tomorrow and today / We must be a light for future generations
— Mark Harris, Don Koch, and Dave Clark, “For Future Generations”
why it matters
Why does all of this matter? Why try to overcome these obstacles? I think there are a few reasons.
First, it fills the deep needs on both sides. Older Christians need to pass on the lessons they have learned, and younger Christians need to hear the wisdom they have to share. As Katie Westenberg writes, “With our words, our song, we get to make known the faithfulness of God to future generations. We give our full attention to God in the retelling, and sear that truth even deeper in our souls as we do. We aren’t just sharing stories of the good old days, or passing on oral tradition, each of which have their place, no doubt. But we get to declare God’s glory, His salvation from day to day to the world around us. We get to make His deeds known as we give thanks and call upon His name. He has redeemed us from sin and death, friend, the wrath we deserve. We are the redeemed and it is both our job and our joy to say so. We must be the ones to say so. Remembering is more than a mental act. It’s step one in passing down the faith we ourselves cling to today, and when we commit to this act, we are doing our part to keep the next generation of eyes fixed on Jesus while we steady our gaze on Him as well. If we don’t, who will?”2
Second, it helps us to stay in touch with the bigger story. Most of us live in far too small a story, with a plot that centers on us. Letting others light the flame of our faith and spurring them on keeps us in touch with the larger story God is writing—something we need to be reminded of. Each of us is part of a long chain of followers that began long before we were here and will continue long after we are gone.
And finally, it keeps the faith alive. This is the way we have been given for passing on the faith from one generation to the next. It’s the only way our faith will go on.
In light of this, let us keep on passing the flame.
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