Wishes

inspired by the song “Wishes” by Out of the Grey

“I wish you could come with me.” Crystal cupped the phone to her ear as she gazed out the living room window, trying to determine if the gray clouds hovering overhead would be producing snow soon. She hoped not. The last thing she needed was a fresh coat of snow on the roads.

Her fiancé sighed. “I know. Me too.” Eric coughed. “But I’m not feeling well enough for a road trip right now, and you know I don’t want to risk getting anyone else sick.”

“Right.” She couldn’t argue with that. “But I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.” Eric’s tone brightened. “Hopefully I’ll be feeling better soon. Once you get back from your parents’ house, how about we have a special dinner to celebrate your birthday and Thanksgiving?”

“Sounds great.” Crystal smiled. “Love you.”

“Love you too. Safe travels.”

“Thanks. Bye.” Crystal clicked the end button and placed the phone back on the receiver. Looking out the window, she glimpsed a few snowflakes drifting from the sky. So much for that. Good thing I just got new tires on the van. 

She glanced at the wall clock. Three hours before I have to leave. 

Which meant she needed to start packing. Crystal didn’t have to do that too far in advance since she’d made this journey many times before and knew what to take.

As she slid open her bedroom dresser drawers and pulled out clothes to stack in her travel bags, Crystal’s gaze floated to the top of her dresser, decorated with a handful of framed photos. There were a couple of pictures of her with Eric, one with her parents, one with the whole family, and one with her twin brother, Caden. 

Crystal’s eyes paused on the last picture. It was her favorite picture of them. Two pairs of ocean blue eyes sparkled at the camera, both Caden and her grinning a mile wide, their light brown hair bleached blonde by the sun as they stood on the beach with a starfish at their feet. Even though the picture was many years old, it still brought a smile to Crystal’s face.

This time, though, her smile was tinged with tears. Deep longing clenched her throat as she reached out a finger to brush dust off the picture. I wish we could go back to those days. The photo was a painful reminder of what their relationship was like before. 

Before. Sometimes Crystal wished she could wipe that word from her vocabulary, so great was the pain it caused. She squeezed her eyes shut, the images rolling across the screen of her mind like so many times after that night.

Her brother stood inside the doorway, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and looking more nervous than she’d ever seen him. When he broke the news, Crystal and her parents stood stunned, unable to speak for a few moments. They hadn’t seen it coming. At last Dad broke the silence with, “You know we’ll always love you, Caden. Nothing can ever change that.” Neither Mom nor Crystal said anything—what more was there to say? Caden nodded without a word, then turned and walked into the night. 

He’d been walking away ever since: away from the values his parents had worked so hard to teach, away from the faith he had seen firsthand all through his childhood. Away from the man he had been and the man he would have become. Now he was so far from who he was before that Crystal felt like she had lost her only brother. In a way, she had. Only rarely did she catch glimpses of the brother she had once known. The distance between them kept growing longer.

Would he ever return?

Tears dripped onto the glass frame that Crystal clutched with both hands, cutting streams through the dust that coated it. She wiped the frame with a rag before placing it back where it belonged. If only it was that simple to restore our relationship to what it used to be.

Stepping back, Crystal glanced at the clock. Fifteen minutes had passed. She shook her head and scolded herself. I’ll never get packed at this rate! She began feverishly stuffing clothes into her bags, trying to force herself to focus on something else.

It wasn’t working. The swirling thoughts that filled the silence refused to be stilled. Stopping her packing, Crystal took a deep breath and stretched, trying to ease her tense muscles to no success. Finally, she turned on the radio. Maybe her favorite station would help.

The dulcet tones of the DJ’s voice filled the air, instantly soothing her. 

“As we enter the holiday season, I know that for many of you, this time of year brings painful memories. Maybe you’ve lost a loved one, or maybe your relationship with someone who used to be close to you is strained. You know you’re supposed to be thankful, but your heart is filled with more wishes than reasons to give thanks. The next song I’m going to play talks about this. Here is ‘Wishes’ by Out of the Grey.”

Crystal had heard the song before, but she felt like she was hearing it for the first time. The yearning resonated deep within her heart, and by the time the chorus came, she was undone, sitting in a heap on the floor.

But I would let these wishes go
Push them all aside
If there was one thing
I could know for sure

Tell me that when this life is over I will see you there
On the other side of heaven’s door
This means more than anything
This is my wish for you

So many wishes. Could she let them go?

—

“Welcome back, Crystal. It’s so good to see you.” Crystal’s mother engulfed her in a crushing hug the moment she stepped through the door, before she’d even had a chance to take off her boots. 

“Thanks, Mom. It’s good to be here.” Crystal smiled as she returned the embrace.

A few steps behind Mom was Caden. He was paler and thinner than he’d been the last time Crystal had seen him, and his smile looked tired. “Hey, Chrissy.” 

That was the nickname he had given her years ago when they were still children. He hadn’t called her that since—when? 

Since before, Crystal realized. Before that night he had told them the news they never wanted to hear. 

Why did it seem like everything went back to that? Once more she wished they could erase it and go back to before. But then she caught herself. Wishing, again. She nodded in acknowledgement of his greeting, reaching out her hand to his. It felt strange to shake his hand when they used to greet with a gentle hug, but again, that was before. So much had changed. 

She sensed that Caden felt as awkward as she did. If only he would tell her what he was thinking behind those eyes so like her own. If only she could express to him even a part of the love she felt inside and communicate her care in a way he would understand. Despite all the pain he had caused the family, she still loved him. In some ways, she loved him now more than before. 

If only words would come that could break down the barrier between them. But no, the stilted silence between them only increased the distance from both sides. If only things were different.

— 

“I need to tell you something, Crystal.” Mom sat on the edge of the bed like she’d done so many times during Crystal’s childhood.

Crystal propped herself up against the headboard. “Of course.”

“It’s about Caden.” Mom fingered the edge of the quilt.

Crystal glanced down a moment. “Yes?”

“He has AIDS.” 

Crystal could tell he hadn’t been feeling well, but she wasn’t expecting that. “Is it because—” She couldn’t finish the sentence, couldn’t bring herself to say it.

Mercifully, Mom kept her from needing to. She knew exactly what Crystal was thinking. “Yes,” she said quietly. 

Crystal exhaled. “How long does he have?”

“He told me that according to the doctor, he could expect to live for another ten years or so.”

“Why didn’t he tell me?”

“He said he thought you would take it better from me.”

Why would he think that? Crystal and Caden had always been close. Even with how things had changed, she still thought that he would have felt able to share something this major with her. She hardly knew her own brother anymore.

Once again responding as though she had read Crystal’s mind, Mom continued, “I know you and Caden have always been close. I told him I thought he should tell you himself, but he insisted that I tell you.” She leaned closer and cupped Crystal’s chin so that she was looking her straight in the face. “I’ve been praying even harder for Caden ever since he told us. And let me tell you something. I’ve been seeing signs that God is softening his heart. It isn’t too late for him to come back. Don’t give up hope.”

“I know.” Crystal’s voice was choked with tears. “It’s just so hard.”

“I know it is. But keep waiting and trusting. I believe our prayers will be answered yet.”

— 

“Make a wish, you two!” Dad called out with a flash of the camera. Crystal and Caden both smiled for the picture, but inside, yearning throbbed in Crystal’s heart. My wish is that Caden would come back to You—and to us. She lowered her head and blew out the candles on her side of the cake with one breath. It took Caden a few attempts, but finally all of the candles on his side were extinguished. Crystal thought about teasing him, but decided against it. 

“What did you wish for?” Caden asked.

“I’m not going to tell you,” Crystal replied coyly. It was one of their long-standing traditions for him to ask her that, even though she never gave the answer. It wasn’t that she believed in bad luck; she just preferred to keep her wishes to herself.

Crystal could count on one hand the times one of her wishes had come true. She prayed that this time would be one of them.

—

Crystal awoke to someone softly shaking her and calling her name. “Crystal, wake up. We need to go to the hospital.” It was Mom.

When she heard “hospital,” Crystal’s eyes snapped open. “What happened?” she asked sleepily.

“There’s been an accident.”

“Who?”

“Caden.”

When she heard his name, Crystal immediately got up and out of bed. She quickly got dressed and ready to go.

All the way on the ride to the hospital, which lasted for a little less than a half hour but felt like it took hours, her mind was racing with worst case scenarios. Even though she had prepared herself for the worst, nothing could totally prepare Crystal for seeing her brother, pale and weak, lying in a hospital bed covered with tubes. “Oh, Caden.”

When he heard her voice, he stirred slightly and opened his eyes. “Crystal?”

“I’m right here.” She slipped beside the bed and placed her hand on top of his. It felt cold.

“I want to tell you something,” he rasped.

“I have something to tell you too.”

“Well, how about you go first.”

Crystal couldn’t help but giggle a little. “I think that’s the first time you’ve let me go ahead of you, like, ever.” Growing up, he’d incessantly reminded her that he was the firstborn, which was true, even though they were only twenty minutes apart.

Caden smiled a lopsided grin. “Yeah, I know. There’s always a time for firsts.”

Crystal turned serious. “I want to say I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you. I know I should have done better. Will you please forgive me?”

Caden nodded. “I forgive you.”

“Thank you.” She squeezed his hand gently. “ What did you want to tell me?”

“I wanted to ask you to forgive me too. I know I’ve made some wrong choices, and I was thinking about that before you came. It’s time for me to turn around and come back. I asked God to forgive me already. Will you forgive me too?”

“Oh, Cade. You don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that. I absolutely forgive you.”

He nodded. There were no more words left to say between them.

—

A few days later came the call. Crystal was standing at the kitchen counter washing dishes when she heard the phone ring. After drying her hands, she picked it up. “Hello?”

“Good morning, Crystal. I have something to tell you. Are you sitting down?” It was Mom.

Crystal sat at the kitchen table. “I am now.”

Mom took a deep breath. “Caden passed away this morning.”

Tears came to Crystal’s eyes. “Oh, Mom.”

“I have to tell you something. Before he died”—she sniffled—“he asked Dad and me for our forgiveness, just like he did with you. You should have seen the peace on his face. I’m confident that he returned to God and to us, just like we prayed for.”

“Me too,” Crystal murmured. She and Mom talked a few more minutes before ending the call. As soon as Crystal got off the phone, a thought came to mind: gone, but not lost. 

Even though it didn’t come the way she wanted, her wish had been fulfilled. 

Her long-lost brother was finally home.